


Misery is a Butterfly

by ObtuseOctopus



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Car Accidents, Depression, Drunk Driving, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hospitalization, Love Confessions, Self-Reflection, car crash, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22453042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObtuseOctopus/pseuds/ObtuseOctopus
Summary: • COMPLETE. •It was an accident, unfortunate. They only had meant to make a quick trip to and back from the movies.Lapis didn’t mean for it to end like this, alone. They say that when a butterfly flaps its wings, consequences follow. It’s a butterfly effect. And damn it, if she didn’t agree to go to the movies that day... maybe then Peridot would still be alive.... It was all her fault.
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Misery is a Butterfly

**Author's Note:**

> // Based on personal life events and the songs “Misery is a Butterfly” and “Elephant Woman” by Blonde Redhead, as well as “Dog Days are Over” by Florence and the Machine.
> 
> CW; character death, self destruction/blame, unhappy ending/ambiguous ending.

When comes to thy wilderness of the hunt of death, all is prey, and his teeth shines upon thy flesh. As the blood and time of thee washes away into the sewers of life thereafter, his hand takes thee cold, in warm embrace.

There is no warning, most often. Death can take like he likes, with no regrets and no trade. Once a soul is reaped, they roam among in weeping shrouds of sheets, grieving over the mortal bodies they leave behind as well as the lives that they evolved.

It can occur anytime.

Lapis and Peridot had been friends since first grade. When some kids decided to pick on Peridot and put gum in her hair, or call her names like “Four-Eyes” and “Flappy Bird”, one of the only other kids who had stood up for her had been little Lapis, raised from a strictly religious home. Her parents were fine in money and big in business, just like Peridot’s family. When they began to befriend each other and play games like pirates or adventurers in backyards and among sidewalks, their parents would often let them visit each other to encourage playtime- but ban sleepovers.

Perhaps it was fate that they would come to be, both bearing gemstone names and both hailing from successful families who bathed in wealth, eating gold for dinner and savoring each hundred dollar bill like pennies in their pockets. They would see each other often, talk about gossip and game until dawn, and bond over shared experiences like dresses too tight or corsets that choked their frail bodies.

Their friendship grew and grew over the years. Through the grades, they stuck through thick and thin. They would threaten to beat up whoever mocked the other, and stay in touch through even the darkest of times. When Lapis had tested the waters of the dating life and had ended up in a wreck of a relationship with someone just as damaged and just as emotionally stubborn as she, Peridot had been there to let her vent and let her eat tubs of ice cream from her freezer. High school was messy, it wasn’t exactly a simple clean line out of the education system. There were obstacles, and the only way to survive them was with teamwork.

Lapis would often vent about how her parents often dismissed her and would disown her and have her be homeless should they find out who she really was. Peridot would often mutter about how her mother was prepping for her to take over the family business, but would also call her incompetent and inferior if she stayed with who she was. They both had to change in the eyes of their blood, but to loyalty they were able to show their true selves. They both held a wolf’s skin over each other, disguising as predator so that the meek prey inside wouldn’t be bitten into by their packs.

Together, they were unstoppable. And though allowed no sleepovers or any time past five, they found ways to stay in contact, let it be through in person or in text. Their relationship was unbreakable. No matter how hard the whip may strike or how heavy the cage may be, there was no way to quiet down the strength of the tiger inside.

One calm evening after another day of gradually easing hell, commonly known as the end of the first semester of senior year, they had both agreed upon attending a movie together. It was the last chapter to a series they both liked, and they already had fantasized on fan theories and the taste of buttered popcorn. They had even found a time that fit within their parents’ childish rules of curfew, which had been extended to eight at the latest now that they were older.

Lapis personally couldn’t wait. Though the weight of the future would come to wound her or graze her, for now, she could enjoy the now and settle down. These times were rare, rarer than a maiden meeting a fine white unicorn in the wood, and she was looking to enjoying it.

Peridot had agreed that she would come pick her up later, and Lapis was standing outside of her large household, waiting eagerly. She had paced the porch probably about ten times now whenever she had gotten done with checking her phone for any new notification. 

What was taking so long? If Peridot didn’t come in the next five minutes, sure they would be late. They would even miss the dumb commercials at the beginning, which sometimes were just as ridiculous as whipped cream on macaroni and cheese.

“Come on, Peridot…” Lapis murmured to herself as she tucked her hands into the pockets of her blue sweater, watching the street in case of any approaching vehicles. Did Peridot stumble over her own feet or something? Because usually she was super good at time management. Usually it was her who got a bit upset whenever they were late for anything.

This was… unlike her.

Lapis sat down on the curb at the edge of the sidewalk, a hand upon her chin. Her eyes remained alert, waiting, watching.

“God damn it, Peridot…”

They were going to be late. She decided to shoot up a text at the other, trying to see what the hold up was and ask what was taking so long. Her legs felt like they could go and run a track even at this point. 

  * **_To; Peridot •_**



**_Hey. You here yet??_ **

Lapis sighed. 

She waited.

And waited.

  * **_To; Peridot •_**



**_We’re going to miss the beginning._ **

Waiting.

Watching.

Lapis checked her time. It was about eight minutes now. What was taking forever?!

Finally, her hopes were for something after all. She jumped up as soon as she spotted the familiar vehicle approaching her, waving Peridot over. “Come on, dork! We’re LATE!” She called.

Peridot made sure to pull up close enough for Lapis to be able to hop into the passenger’s seat rather quickly, letting out a huff as she kept both of her hands upon the steering wheel. “Yeah, I know,” Peridot frowned. “I couldn’t find the popcorn thing.”

“Popcorn  _ thing _ ? It’s called a  _ bin _ , Peri,” Lapis snorted as she buckled herself in.

“Okay, popcorn  _ bin _ ! Does that please the oh mighty water god?” Peridot stuck out her tongue, reaching down to get the empty bin and put it in her friend’s lap. “My mom said that it was in the pantry, and then she said ‘ _ no, Peridot, you heinous little incel, it’s in the OTHER pantry.’ _ So I had to spend like seven minutes in heaven in this huge ass pantry looking for it,” she explained, making a poor mockery of her parent as she had made her nasally voice more stern and higher pitched.

“Wow,” Lapis commented as the vehicle began to leave, heading towards the local theater. “You sound just like your mother. It’s scary,”

“I know right?! It’s like I’m her daughter or something!” Peridot laughed in return. 

“Yeah, it’s super weird,” Lapis agreed, snickering. “Ready for Dogcopter Four?” She smacked both her hands on the side of the popcorn bin for effect.

“I can’t believe he had cats for parents this entire time, it’s the most cliche route,” Peridot breathed, eyes on the road. “... Hollywood.”

“They need the money,” Lapis sarcastically shrugged. 

“Bleh, I assume so,” Peridot said. “I don’t know who the girl was either- the one with the frizzy hair.”

“I think that’s supposed to be a new character,” Lapis guessed. “I don’t know. The trailer had… a lot.”

“Directed by Michael Bay,” Peridot joked, making Lapis snort.

“Starring Dwayne Johnson,” Lapis added.

“I would watch the shit out of that!” Peridot lit up.

The two shared a laugh, filling the silence with joyous chortle.

  
  


_ ~ Angel I can see myself in your eyes, Angel won't you feel for me from your heart? ~ _

  
  


“Okay, that was awesome, I’m not gonna lie,” Lapis giggled as the two walked out of the theatre together after the movie had ended. The popcorn bin still had plenty of snacks to spare, popcorn uneaten during the film as well as some small bags of candy that they also neglected during the course of the film. 

“I thought it would be worse!” Peridot admitted, taking the popcorn bin from Lapis. “But yeah- that was good, that was pretty good. I feel like it wrapped up the series well.”

“We should get the rotten tomatoes when we get home. See the comments.”

“Oh yeah for sure!”

The two scrambled back to their vehicle, still chatting about their movie date and discussing what they thought about it or about what had happened. The night sky was just as beautiful as the time they had together.

“-and when he shot her in the face with that laser?! I thought that was so ridiculous!” Peridot ranted, driving them home.

“Did you forget about his parents dying? So cliche,” Lapis tsked.

“But it was good!”

“I agree, I’m just saying-“

“Oh man and then when his brother came in and said he was sorry and took down that guy?!” 

“That was pretty awesome.”

“The CGI was decent.”

“Eh. I’d say that it was okay.” They came to a stop at a red light. Lapis turned to Peridot. “I had a fun time, Peridot.”

“Well-“

“No, I really did,” Lapis assured. “Thank you..”

“It was your idea,” Peridot snickered.

“But you being there made it better,” Lapis smiled. She shyly glanced down at her lap for a moment, letting the silence temporarily take over until she got a hold on the reins again. “Hey, Peri?”

“Yeah?”

“I… need to tell you something. I- shit. No, PERIDOT-!” Lapis lunged, her attention past Peridot as she stared wide eyed out her window, reaching over in quick attempt of getting at the steering wheel. However, she had been too slow, too late, and thus a car speeding down the street who had also ran the red light came towards them. Lapis held her breath right when the impact hit. A loud noise snapped in her ears, and her body took some of the force of the collision as her upper body and legs felt like they had crumpled in on themselves. The world went hazy. Blurry.

  
  


_~ It was an accident, unfortunate._ _Angel threw me like a rubber band, aiming for the ground. ~_

  
  


Sirens.

The broken red street light blinking on and off.

People nervously dashing left and right, people yelling for help, calls being made.

Car smoke filtering through the sky in wispy whirls of doomed thrice born fate lacking forgiveness.

“PERIDOT?!” The choked cry came out hoarse. 

The glare of the siren had arrived, causing onlookers to part and make way for the aid.

The smell of enriched gas bleached the air.

Darkness.

  
  


_ ~ Why amuse yourself in such a way? No, don’t insist. I’m already hurt. ~ _

  
  


“... It was all my fucking fault…” 

Her ribs were aching, her wrists trembling. Although she had been tended to and bandaged, Lapis could feel her soul and all of her skin curdle in entirety. Hell raised in her head, and her hair felt like mold upon her scalp. She didn’t feel like herself. She blamed herself; she felt like a beast, absent from her physical being. She could only count for the tingling in her legs and the stings in her arms. She couldn’t count time and she couldn’t tell where or what she was.

All she knew was that she woke up here, alone, her parents responding to the call. There was no Peridot, and nothing but car and health insurance being discussed. 

Oh, she  _ tried  _ to look for Peridot. She truly did. The second she had her voice back, she asked the nurse about her. And the words she received still haunted her.

Peridot O. Jones died in that car crash due to a drunk driver running the red light. The collision had totaled the car, and also killed her best friend. Even if Peridot had lived, she would be paralyzed from the neck down. 

She was alone, with no other company at her side. The hospital stay pained her the entire time that she was stuck there, haunting memories of the accident playing over and over again. She could’ve prevented it. If only she didn’t distract Peridot, perhaps she would’ve noticed the car. Perhaps Peridot would’ve pulled the vehicle aside and maybe the car could’ve missed them.

It was all her fault. She didn’t care who said it wasn’t. Guilt already made a bed in her head, an illness that couldn’t be cured.

So when she had met a new face, a new chance of friendship, a second chance granted to her blessed on a silver platter, Lapis was wary. She had to leave all her love and longing behind, she was afraid of losing again. Although happiness hit her immediately to have the void be filled, in the back of her brain lay the engraved bullet telling her that she should know better than to get attached should she want to avoid pain and misery once more. She remained distant. She kept only short term relationships, free to detach at anytime.

She was never the same again. Some say that to this day, she remains in absentia, no matter how many people yelled at her telling her to move on or to remind her that there was still more to life than tears. As far as Lapis was concerned? Her death row was coming in due time, karma had a reservation, the horses were coming for her and she had to keep running if she wanted to stay alive.

But, did she really?


End file.
